


An Eloquent Posture For Someone So Obviously Stupid

by ttsg



Category: Bandom, Panic! at the Disco
Genre: College, M/M, Verbal Humiliation, idiot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-08
Updated: 2018-06-08
Packaged: 2019-05-19 19:37:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,705
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14879921
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ttsg/pseuds/ttsg
Summary: I’m proud to identify as a morosexual. I’m attracted to dumbasses and dumbasses exclusively. A guy asked me what the Spanish word for tortilla was once and now I dream of kissing him under the moonlight.This same idiot: What kind of animal is the pink panther?Me, already taking off my clothes: Benjamin, you’re so fucking stupid.





	An Eloquent Posture For Someone So Obviously Stupid

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into 한국어 available: [An Eloquent Posture For Someone So Obviously Stupid](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15893526) by [Minhou](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Minhou/pseuds/Minhou)



> disgusting, absolutely disgusting

Dallon was in class, sitting next to Kenny. It was just US History, probably the most boring class he’d been to in awhile. It was a requirement though and ridiculously easy. Dallon spent the whole time talking to Kenny.

 

“Do you know how long its been since I have been with someone?” Dallon asked in class, all but smacking his head on the desk. Kenny tried to keep himself from laughing.

 

“Too long, I take it?” He asked and Dallon nodded. 

 

It wasn’t that he was sex crazed or anything but come on, a guy had needs. 

 

“There’s plenty of hot guys in here, why won’t any of them flirt with me?” 

 

Kenny just shrugged.

 

Dallon sat up when he felt someone tap his shoulder. He turned around and smiled politely.

 

The smile fell from his face when Brendon spoke.

 

“What’s the Spanish word for torilla?” He asked and Dallon had to find the strength not to outright insult this guy. 

 

“Tortilla?” He responded and Brendon rolled his eyes.

 

“Yeah, what’s the Spanish word?” He asked again and Dallon was almost ashamed to say he still found this guy attractive.

 

“It’s literally already a Spanish word,” Dallon said, watching as Brendon’s face went from confused to smiling. 

 

Brendon turned around, tapping his friends arm.

 

“Dude, the Spanish word for tortilla is literally just tortilla. How cool is that? I love english.”

 

Dallon turned back around in his seat, looking over to Kenny. He had his eyebrows raised and a grin on his face.

 

“No, just no,” Kenny tried, knowing that his attempt to shut down whatever thoughts Dallon was having was useless.

 

“But Kenny, he’s hot  _ and  _ dumb,” Dallon said.

 

“Dallon, please don’t do this again. The last guy you dated drove himself to the ER because he was worried that he wasn’t shitting out an ice cube he swallowed,” Kenny tried to reason but it only made the grin on Dallon’s face bigger.

 

“Yes, and he was hot and a great fuck. But do you know what’s better about Brendon?” He asked and Kenny sighed.

 

“What? What could be better?”

 

“He’s dumber.”

 

It was a week later when Brendon tapped his shoulder again. 

 

“If the #2 pencil is the only one people use, why is it still #2? Why can’t it be #1?” Brendon asked, biting at his lip, eyebrows creased as he tried to think.

 

“It’s the graphite in the pencil,” Dallon responded, biting his lip in return but his was for a very different reason.

 

“Wow, dude, thanks,” Brendon said, his smile blinding.

 

“Every day I like you more and more,” Dallon said, winking before turning around. He heard a faint ‘aw shucks’ behind him. Dallon looked at Kenny and the exasperated look on his face.

 

“Dallon, stop this,” he pleaded and Dallon shook his head.

 

“Kenneth Harris, I think he’s the one.”

 

He was approached after class by the guy who sits beside Brendon.

 

“I’m really sorry. Brendon isn’t that stupid usually,” Spencer said, scratching the back of his neck, “I feel like his questions annoy you. I promise, it’s just an ADHD thing. He doesn’t think before the words come tumbling out of his mouth.”

 

“Quite the opposite, actually. I am morosexual. I am attracted exclusively to dumbasses. The more he talks the more I want to rail him with my dick. Don’t further explain it. You’re ruining the allusion.”

 

Dallon was in class again, another tap on the shoulder. Kenny groaned as Dallon turned around.

 

“Does it rain in Australia?”   
  
“Yeah, why wouldn’t it?” Dallon asked, eyes looking over to Spencer who was slightly concerned at their interactions still.

 

“It’s at the bottom of the world, the rain goes down, not up,” Brendon said and Dallon was stunned.    
  
“God, you’re a fucking idiot, the rain still goes down, that’s just a myth,” Dallon answered and Brendon looked offended for half a second before he smiled and shrugged.

 

“You know everything, Dallon,” he said before Dallon turned around. He didn’t even have to look over to Kenny.

 

“Please, I’m begging you, do not do this to me again.”

 

The final straw was when Dallon didn’t have an answer for Brendon. Of all the dumb questions he’d been asked, this one took the cake (and his come).

 

“Hey, Dallon,” Brendon whispered, the teacher lecturing on about something Dallon stopped paying attention to twenty minutes ago. He turned around, already smiling because he knew it would be dumb.

 

“If I ate myself, would I get twice as big or disappear completely?”

 

Dallon tried to find an answer but he couldn’t. He knew Kenny could tell what was going through his mind. Kenny had seen this happen before with his last boyfriend, knew what was coming just after class.

 

“Brendon, you idiot, I want to fuck you,” he said and Brendon tipped his head to the side for a moment.

 

“You do?”

 

“Yes, after class?” 

 

Brendon nodded his head.

 

Dallon turned back around, grinning at Kenny.

 

“Avoid the dorm room for a hot minute.”

 

True to his word, he took Brendon back to his dorm. 

 

Dallon pushed Brendon into a wall, pressing up against him, his hands grabbing Brendon’s hips to pull him closer. It was easy with Brendon, the other letting Dallon take what he wanted without fighting it. He let Dallon push his tongue into his mouth, bit his lip, flatten him to a wall. Dallon liked when the guy he was with let him do as he pleased.

 

He pulled away for a second to breathe, opening his eyes to look at Brendon. 

 

Bredon’s eyes were scrunched for a moment and it made Dallon pause.

 

“Did I do something wrong?” Brendon shook his head.

 

“What kind of an animal is The Pink Panther?” He asked and Dallon let out a quiet moan.

 

“Turn around and bend over, we don’t have time to get to the bedroom,” Dallon said, pushing Brendon towards the counter. 

 

Dallon had his shirt off before he realized that he’d used the last of his condoms with his previous boyfriend and never had a reason to buy more.

 

“I don’t have any condoms,” he said, rubbing a hand over his face. His hard cock stuck in his jeans was a little more than disappointed.

 

Brendon turned around to look at him, eyebrows scrunching and a small frown on his face. He shrugged after a minute.

 

“I don’t care, it’s fine,” he said, resting his elbows on the counter and pushing his ass out. Dallon was confused, though. He’d never heard of anyone that was fine with no condom the first time they fucked. There were so many risks involved with it.

 

“What?” He asked and Brendon chuckled quietly.

 

“Fuck me, I don’t mind,” he said but Dallon wanted to be completely sure he was willing.

 

“Are you sure?” He asked and that time Brendon sighed, turning around and unbuttoning Dallon’s jeans for him. He reached in and pulled his cock out, stroking Dallon slowly as he smirked.

 

“Yes, I am fine with you fucking me without a condom,” he said, making it explicitly clear for Dallon. 

 

He wasn’t sure if it was Brendon’s hand on his cock or the sheer idiocy of his words that made Dallon moan.

 

“You are so fucking stupid, I can’t believe it, turn around,” he said and Brendon did as he was asked, getting back into the position he’d been in moments before. 

 

Dallon used spit and fingers to open Brendon up, the sounds he was pulling from Brendon only making him feel more and more desperate.

 

It wasn’t his ideal setting for sex but it was good enough. 

 

“Preheat the oven, I’m going in raw,” Brendon said just loud enough for Dallon to hear. He tried to keep himself from laughing but it was hard. Probably harder than his cock was at the moment.

 

“You’re so fucking stupid, Brendon,” Dallon said, pulling his fingers out and pressing the tip of his cock against Brendon.

 

He changed his mind. It was just fine when he pushed his cock into Brendon.

 

It had been awhile since Dallon had sex and he wasn’t sure if it was just the warm heat of Brendon or if Brendon was just that much better of a fuck than his last boyfriend but he was enjoying every second. He enjoyed how dumb Brendon was. There was a huge difference in condom versus no condom and he loved it a little too much.

 

He loved coming inside of Brendon while Brendon touched himself. He loved the sound of Brendon moaning as finished too. 

 

Dallon pulled out, watching as some of his come slid from Brendon, biting his lip to keep from laughing.

 

“Sorry,” he said, watching as Brendon got dressed, laughing and shaking his head the whole time.

 

“Don’t be, that was great. I’d even go as far as to ask if we could do it again?” 

 

Dallon couldn’t find the words to answer so he nodded instead. 

 

After Brendon left, Dallon could only find the energy to pull his boxers back on before passing out on their couch. He was woken up by the door closing and Kenny shaking him gently.

 

“You did it, didn’t you?” He asked. Dallon opened his eyes to the concerned look of his friend. Dallon gave him a sleepy grin before nodding. Kenny groaned, going towards the kitchen to make food.

 

“Why are your clothes in the kitchen?” Kenny asked, holding up the jeans Dallon had been wearing that day, “Oh my God, did you guys fuck in here? Why would you do this to me, Dallon?” He asked and Dallon laughed.

 

“Look, I can explain,” he started, pausing to laugh again when he saw Kenny with his hands on his lips like a mother scolding her child, “He asked me what kind of an animal The Pink Panther was and I couldn’t wait any longer. There was absolutely no chance of getting to my bed so yeah, I fucked him on the counter.”

 

Kenny turned around slowly and Dallon realized that he hadn’t cleaned up Brendon’s come from the counter. Dallon knew that Kenny spotted it too.

 

“Do you think they’ll let me get a new roommate? I hate you so much.”

  
  



End file.
